Tuesday, December 30, 2014

It's A New Year And A New Years Resolution I Will Actually Keep

We have all done it. Made those New Year resolutions that we just can't seem to keep. I will quit smoking, I will lose weight, I will stop...whatever I should stop doing. Most of us just seem to fail. I am running out of time to keep making promises to myself I can't keep. I swear, the older you get the faster time moves. Maybe it's some sort of time-space anomaly. I think I will have to email Neil DeGrasse Tyson. He might know whats up.

Really though, it seems like just a couple years ago I was a teenager, sporting my Robert Smith hairdo and sitting in my friends basement being dark and mysterious why we listed to The Smiths. We were the original Emo kids. A couple more years and my son was 2 years old and watching Blues Clues until his eyeballs popped out. He is now almost 18, getting ready for college and has a full beard. Really, what is going on with kids and facial hair? I don't remember kids having beards when I was growing up. My older two were just starting to do the stupid teenage stuff I used to do. For crying out loud I have grandchildren!

Now I am considered 'middle aged'. I notice it creeping up on me. I'm sure a lot of you around my age know what I'm talking about. The little noises you make when you bend over to pick something up or get up from a chair. Having your joints ache when the weather changes. Gray hair, wrinkles and worst of all the dreaded waddle! Next thing you know I will be sitting in a rocking chair on my porch yelling at kids to get off my lawn. I have always had a young state of mind. I feel 18 but my body says otherwise. I am now called 'that woman' instead of that girl or that lady. You get the sympathy compliments from younger people like 'you can't be that old! You look so young!'. We all know they are big fat lairs!

It's a fact, you can't stop it. Oh, you can get plastic surgery and needles in your face. All that crazy stuff society says you should do because if you're not beautiful you might as well give up. Screw a bunch of that. I'm not nipping and tucking and doing all that stuff to try and make myself look younger just because everyone else says so. Plus, you might look like this:

Nobody wants that.

So my New Years resolution is to just go with it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up, but I'm not spending valuable time and money trying to look younger when I can use that for much better things. Like fishing. I'm not going to dye my hair or freak out about wrinkles. I'm going to let my Old Flag fly! Bring it time! Give me your best shot! And please, don't tell me I look 25 when I'm in my 40's. Your pants will catch on fire.

Have a great New Year!


Friday, December 19, 2014

Christmas Cards That Will Make You Feel Better About Your Own Family

I'm sure everyone has been subject to one of those dreaded family photo Christmas cards. Mom breaks out the matching sweaters and makes the family pose in front of the tree. You all look like idiots but you know, it's the Holidays. I have even been guilty.

Circa 2005. Seriously, What the hell was I thinking?

Whether you send out those gems to your friends and family as a joke or as true Holiday greetings, these cards will make you feel just a bit better about your crazy family.

The dog is even in disbelief about whats going on here.

We said we wanted an Xbox One for Christmas

If you don't wear the diaper it won't look real!

I believe it was 'Savior' not 'Terrier'

If you have a horrible family Holiday card, please share! I don't want to be the only one!

Happy Holidays!

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Small Business Commercials aka What Were They Thinking? (There Is A Moral To This Story)

OK, I know everyone has that one small town store that has the most ridiculous commercials you have ever seen. Growing up I had Cal Worthington of Worthington Chevrolet. My brother and sisters and I would stop what we were doing to trample each other in a race to the TV the second we heard 'It's Cal Worthington and his dog Spot!' Now Spot was never a dog and Cal was not right in the head. But, he did have the catchiest jingle known to man and did stuff that kids beat each other up to see. If you grew up in the Sacramento/Nappa Valley in California and someone said 'Pussy Cow' you would know exactly what they were talking about. And I know there are a few of you right now who are grinning and singing it in your head. The commercials always featured Cal with dangerous animals or doing stupid stunts but boy, that jingle! It still haunts me to this day. Just watch this and you will see what I mean.

After I grew up I moved to Seattle. Boy, did we have a doozy there! We had Vern Fonk. This dude did parodies of everything from Hair Club For Men to Forrest Gump. His commercials came on really late because I'm guessing it's the only time slot he could afford. My friends and I would actually stay up (no DVR back then) to see the new Vern Fonk commercial. We lived for that 30 seconds! His slogan was 'Remember To Honk When You Drive By Vern Fonk!' I always wondered if he regretted that. The world would be a sadder place if Vern Fonk Insurance didn't exist. So sit back and watch the awesomeness of Vern Fonk unfold in front of your very eyes!

I have since moved to Connecticut where I have lived for the last 14 years. This journey has taken me to the wonderful land of Bedding Barn. This man is..ummm...creative? His commercials just make you say 'what the f*** was that?' Really. I'm serious. This is a thing. Watch at your own risk...

Now to the moral....You should always support small businesses. From your local crazy retailer to the small online shops *ahem* they are what makes our country great. Because if we didn't we would only have crappy Allstate and Sleepy's commercials, and nobody wants that. The genius creativity of Vern Fonk and the Bedding Barn, not to mention the father of crazy commercials Cal Worthington, would have never been known. I salute all small businesses that have the intestinal fortitude to make complete fools of themselves to feed their families. That's what makes them better than all the Walmarts in the world. 

If you grew up with some awesome local commercials or even have them now please share!! I have to see them!!


Friday, December 5, 2014

Upcycle vs. What The Hell Is That

So in the vintage jewelry sellers community it is not uncommon to take pieces of vintage jewelry and upcycle them into a new unique pretty piece of art. Then, there are those people. The ones who take things, mash them together and try to pass them off as vintage. For example:


I have never seen a pair of vintage earrings signed MONET TROLLS. They must be rare and worth A TON! Granted, I did buy those earrings. They were so gawd awful wrong on so many levels I just had to have them!!! I still wonder what possessed this person to put trolls on a pair of earrings and actually think they could pass them off as authentic. I guess the first clue is she spelled miniature wrong. The scary part is I wasn't the only bidder! I will display these as a reminder of who the competition is. I am not intimidated.

Now there are those artisans who take vintage pieces and turn them into beautiful works of art. Meet Maria and Lisa from Salvati Designs. They turn vintage jewelry into amazing home decor. I'm kind of partial to the N. Now this is how you upcycle people!

The pieces they create are just gorgeous. You can go get your own at their eBay Store.

So what have we learned? Friends don't let friends make scary upcycled troll earrings and sell them on eBay.