Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Curses Are Nothing To Poo Poo At! (Caution-Spooky!)

I came across this bunt pan that has a very scary backstory. Read on if you dare...

WARNING! PLEASE READ FULL DESCRIPTION BEFORE BUYING THIS PIECE!


1973
Edna Heffelpoppin was taking a leisurely afternoon walk along a graveyard fence. She stumbled over something and looked down. She saw a beautiful West Bend Shape Cake bunt pan. 'This is perfect!' she thought. 'Now I can make a beautiful cake for my good friend Enid.' Edna took it home and made a lovely cake for Enid. The next morning Enid and Edna woke up with giant warts on their faces. Coincidence? Maybe. 

1976
Janet Saffenbocker bought this same bunt pan from a garage sale. It was 10.25" across and 4" high. Perfect size for her Christmas Jell-O mold. Janet went home and made her famous lime, cherry and jalapeƱo Jell-O topped with bacon bits. Her guests loved it. The next morning everyone who ate the Jell-O woke up bald. Related perchance? 

1982
Robert Gobbelbobbin found a bunt pan in nice vintage condition with a slight patina and a small mark on the side in an abandoned lot. 'My wife would love to use this as part of her kitchen decor!' He took it home and his wife displayed it proudly. 2 days later frogs started coming out of all the faucets and filling their home. I don't think this is just happenstance. 

2014
Niki Patterson was shopping at a thrift store when she came across an awesome fluted/bunt pan. 'This is great! My son's birthday is coming up and I can make him a cool cake!' After baking the cake it fell apart because she doesn't follow directions well. Her son is now disappointed and has told all his friends on social media what a horrible cake his mom made. (This incident was actually caught on film) She is now a social pariah and never leaves her home. 

I did some online research and found that this pan was used by a coven of witches in Salem to bake their Cake Of Doom on All Hallows' Eve. They hexed the pan so any person who was not a witch would never benefit from the beautiful cakes it can make. It comes with a Certificate Of Authenticity For Curses and Hexes written by a real witch doctor named Larry I met at a laundromat. He has confirmed my suspicion of the curse.

Buy this at your own risk. I am not responsible for any harm that may come from using this pan. Larry told me if you go see him he can remove the curse. He lives in the basement of his mom's house.

(None of these statements are true except me making a cake for my son. I can never make a bunt cake! That's how I know this thing is cursed!)

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